You're pregnant! What an exciting time in your life. You have let the news out, and then....the questions start:
You know what causes that, right?
There is something about announcing a pregnancy that brings out all the questions from friends, family and strangers alike. It's a natural phenomenon that seems to happen, a lot. What is it that drives people to comment on our family make up - be it size, the genders of our kid(s) or if we are choosing to find out which gender that may be before or after their birth?
We have always been a family of finder-outers. We don't have the patience that many have, to wait until the birth of their baby to find out who was growing inside for those long 9 months. We have always been confident in our choices, although we get a lot of - "but then it isn't a surprise!". Say what? How do you figure? To us, no matter if you find out at your regular 20 week scan, earlier, later or after birth - it is always a surprise. Always. How can it not be? Sure, sometimes the surprise comes sooner - maybe in the ultrasound room, maybe at a gender reveal party or maybe just between your close family & friends - it still is information you didn't know about your growing babe you now know. Or maybe you wait and find out at the birth. Whatever route you pick, whatever works for your family - it is still a surprise. It is never okay to comment on a families choices - and it is never okay to tell them they are ruining the best surprise of their life because they are choosing to get that surprise a little sooner that the birth. Just remember the famous words of January Harshe - "you do you boo" - and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
When did you find out what gender your babe to be was?
Stay tuned for our exciting news of who our babe #4 is, in a few short weeks!
Recently I read the article, below, and found it very compelling. As a mom to all boys, I feel this mama so much. As we grow our family (to likely another boy with our brood), I am so sick & tired of the comments. The endless comments. For years (4 and counting since our second son came). Keep your ideas of what you think my family make up should look like to yourself, please. No we don't wish we had a girl. No we don't wish any of our current children were girls instead. No we aren't missing out because we don't have a girl. No we aren't any less of parents because we don't have a girl. No, having a girl does not make your family complete, no.
Why do people feel the need to comment on family make up? Does it come from a naive place of just curiosity, or do you think people genuinely think you need both a male and female child to have that "perfect" family? What is it about the sex of the child that makes it so special, compared to a different family make up? Tell me in the comments below what you think and if people have commented on your family make up.
"I am a mother of three boys and I have always heard comments like:
Are you going to try for your girl?
Three boys…whoa…you must be tired.
Or that awful saying that goes something like this:
A son is a son until he takes him a wife. A daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life.
For the most part, these statements don’t bother me – well, maybe except for the last one…who wants to ever think their child will go off and never return? What a terrible thought, but the statements aren’t exactly encouraging or uplifting, either.
Recently though, I heard a comment about my boys that I continually turned around in my head until it seeped into my heart and made me feel like I could not possibly be blessed more than by being a mother of three sons. We were visiting my grandmother in her senior living center and one of the ninety-something year-old ladies came up to me and said, “You have such beautiful boys.” Then she hesitated, as if trying to decide if she should say more before finally adding, “I have three sons too and I love it. They take such good care of me.”
She said it with such joy and pride and went on to tell me how they treated her so well. She ended our conversation by firmly stating, “They take better care of me than any daughter ever could. I am so happy I have three sons.”
Her words were lovely and I felt uplifted.
If I think about it, I can see my boys also being amazing to me if someday I found myself in her shoes. They already have all kinds of super hero powers and are continually fighting off the villains that daily enter our home. I know they will always be my protectors.
I am their favorite girl and they tell me so each and every day. How lovely will it be to always have three handsome men visiting me no matter how old I am? That’s got to be good for the ego.
With them around, do I really ever need to open a door for myself? I will always be treated like royalty.
You should see some of the stuff they come up with when building Legos or how they strategically place their Spy Gear around the house so they know exactly what is going on. To me, these are signs of brilliant, future adult minds, all capable of taking care of their mom.
As the lady at the retirement home walked away, I called to her, “Thank you for saying that to me.” She turned back around and our eyes met. We exchanged a knowing look that only two mother of all boys would understand, connecting us across two generational gaps.
Mother of all boys. Yes, I do believe I hit the jackpot."
Cheryl blogs at www.sinceibecameamom.blogspot.com.
Photo courtesy of Made to Mother and Cheryl
Kayla is a mom to three sons, wife, and doula. She works within the Shuswap/Okanagan Region providing mothers and their families with a whealth of knowledge and support in all things fertility, pregnancy, birth and beyond.