You As I stand in the kitchen this morning and make myself a well-rounded delicious breakfast, I suddenly feel like I'm failing my kids.
Not often do my children get anything other than cereal for breakfast. So why, you say, would something like cereal make you feel like a failing mom?
If you know me, you know that morning is my least favorite time of day and it's a struggle. Always. It has been since I was a child myself. My kids are almost always up before me and then when I finally wake up and drag myself out of my room in a haze, I am usually cranky for a while. I have tried that whole forcing yourself up at 6 a.m. to get things done before your kids and it was hell, everyday. It doesn't matter if I'm in bed at 9pm or 2am, I just don't do morning.
I am a night owl. As a doula, this is really quite handy, but not so much as a mama. Usually things like this don't weigh on me as a mom but today, I had guilt seep in that my kids were missing out on a healthy & hearty breakfast and almost always got 'cranky' mom.
But then I remembered that even though the mornings are a struggle and they don't get the best of me most days, they do at other times of the day. The evenings, which is usually the hard time of day for most kids and families, are better here. I meal plan and prepare delicious meals for dinner almost every day because I am more alive after 10am. I have the time to do it because 2.5 of them are in school. I am happy and have energy to do it. So while the morning maybe they don't get the best of me and have the best foods, dinner time they do. And that is okay.
Being a mom is rough. It is heavy. The thoughts, the physical aspect, the emotions. The constant battle of are we doing enough, are we doing too much, are we doing it at the right times is never ending. Add in the pressure that we must always be on for our kids and partners - it's next level. But society puts these pressures on us that we must be the best, look the best, feed the best 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for our children and families. It. Is. Exhausting. As parents we generally have the best intentions for our kids - we want the best for them, why wouldn't we? But that pressure can make you feel like you are loosing control and failing.
It is okay.
You are enough.
It is okay to not be that mother. To not have a home cooked meal on the table for 3 meals a day (plus snacks!). It is okay if your 4 year old is wearing the same outfit, 3 days in a row (if it saves a meltdown, just let it go). It is okay if you miss a swim lesson, forget that today as field trip day or your child's gym strip. We cannot be and do it all and it is okay.
So while I will continue down the poor breakfast train and yoga pant morning drop off - I will do my hardest to push those 'not enough mom' feelings aside and focus on the things that I am rocking at. I urge you to do the same, mamas. Push those pressures aside and know that you are enough. Your children know it and they see it - even when we don't. And, if they are anything like mine, they will choose that cereal over something like eggs and bacon any day of the week anyways so all of the stressing doesn't even matter!
Kayla is a mom to three sons, wife, and doula. She works within the Shuswap/Okanagan Region providing mothers and their families with a whealth of knowledge and support in all things fertility, pregnancy, birth and beyond.